back in kl, malaysia. 6pm tuesday night.

i'm nestled happily back in malaysia. in an air-conditioned internet cafe---"manic monday" by the bangles just played and now a song by anguun, an indonesian pop singer, is playing. i feel at home. being back in kl between countries is cool--- i'm able to clear my travel palate... and re-realize how cool malaysia is. the books say malaysia is often overlooked by tourists and that it's worth checking out. it's so easy and interesting to be here!

the contrast is amazing. for example, there are traffic lights here. no garbage/sewage in the streets etc.. you get the idea. and people are generally busy. in cambodia, so many people have nothing to do.

hmmmm. what to say about cambodia? i feel shaken and exhausted by the whole experience. the shortest summary would be that i would definitely go back. would love to be there for about three weeks, but stay away from the cities/tourist scenes.

i had a blast on my 3 hour bike ride to and from the temples yesterday. tourists typically take motos or taxis to the temples, so the locals got a huge kick out of seeing me sweatily peddling along. SO many huge smiles and hellos. i loved it. old people, young people, teens, cops, military, whatever. i soaked it up, healing my tattered tourist soul from all the rest. even the water buffalos were friendly and didn't want a thing from me! yahoo!

the people in cambodia rock. so many folks are so sweet and funny and interested/ing. it's beautiful place and culture.

however, an accumulation of exhaustion and frustration sent me over the edge yesterday afternoon, shifting my attitude from feeling sad and of guilty about the condition of folks (abject POVERTY; and/or a woman at the temples hobbling around with neither hands nor feet) to mild resentment and annoyance. the people and place are great when you aren't treated as a huge american wallet. got so tired of EVERYONE trying to cut a deal on all kinds of things. everyone trying to hook you up with a "good price"==== translate to something they get a commission for... ugh!

chatted last night with linda, an american (sacramentan, in fact) ex-pat who's lived in cambodia for 10 years starting and running an NGO. she's a friend of a sacramento friend.

i told her about my trip--- that i loved cambodia, but felt overwhelmed by the pandering, selling, begging, deal making, handling... she pointed out that cambodia's only recently opened to tourists or outsiders of any kind and the people are "not used to the world being up in their face". makes a lot of sense.

would like to chat with her more--- seriously thinking about whether i would like to work/live abroad in the coming years. met a world health organization dude at the airport today who gave me his card. he's on his way to harare, zimbabwe. has been in cambodia for 7 years doing malaria prevention work. i bet i could get some interesting work- just a question of how "evil"--- the organization who might be easy to work for would be--- WHO, USAID, the world bank, the peace corps etc...

monday morning. siem reap.

i fly out this evening to pp--- i am going to be so bold and stupid as to rent a bike for $2 and ride to the temples--- (you can get a moped ride for a dollar or two). i have already been to the temples the past two days, but the pass was $40, so i'd better use it! i'm gonna hit my favorite temple, banteay kdei none of the photos of these temples, except maybe the aerial ones do them justice. generally, even it looks like you can see how big the place will be as you approach, inevitably it goes on and on and on for hundreds of yards in every direction once you dig in!

biking is a silly idea because it's like 100 degrees and a million percent humidity.

perhaps sit and read in the shade and spread some more of aunt bernice's ashes. i have left some at lake tahoe, the beach in thailand, and at a mountain temple in thailand. and some here.

reading another book on cambodia today, by an american... and so much of my few, intense days are validated--- yahoo. i'm not such a fragile weirdo. i don't have the quote in front of me, but he says something like, "the beauty and courage of the cambodian people is only matched by the violence and loss they have and continue to suffer." will have to enter the quote in it's entirety when i find it. the author echoes what i have said here, which is the knowledge of the histo-socio-political context profound-ifies (made that verb up) the experience immensely.